HUMOR: Thinful!

Not mine.  From here.

  The church was badly in need of a coat of paint. So the pastor decided he'd do the job himself. But all he had was one bucket of paint. So he got a bunch of buckets and some water, and he thinned the paint enough to cover the entire church. Then he spent all day painting. That night it rained—very hard—and washed all the paint off. The pastor was quite discouraged and asked God, 'Why...why God, did you let it rain and wash off all my hard work?'
      To which God thundered his reply, 'Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!'

HUMOR: Message from God

Not mine.  From here.

  Inspirational speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer still remembers the card his kids gave him for his 64th birthday. The front said, "Inside is a message from God."
      Pleased they finally appreciated his work, he opened it to read, "See you soon!"

HUMOR: From the mouths of babes...

Not mine.  From here.

  A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
      She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
      "NO!" the children answered.
      "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
      Again, the answer was, "NO!"
      Now she was smiling. Hey, they're getting it, she thought! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.
      Again, they all answered, "NO!"
      She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
      A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

HUMOR: Just asking

Not mine.  From here.

Atheist: "Do you honestly believe that Jonah spent three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish?"
Preacher: "I don't know, sir, but when I get to heaven, I'll ask him."
Atheist: "But suppose he isn't in heaven?"
Preacher: "Then you ask him."

HUMOR: Be careful what you pray for!

Not mine.  From here.

  A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs.
      With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed, "O Lord, I'm so sorry for skipping services today. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish—make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me!"
      At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped his paws together, and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet: "Dear God, please bless this food I am about to receive."

HUMOR: Denominations

Not mine.  From here.

  An old dollar bill and an even older $20 arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
      "I've had a pretty good life," the $20 says. "I've been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise."
      "You did have an exciting life!" the dollar says.
      "Where have you been?" the $20 asks.
      "Oh, I've been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans..."
      "Wait," the $20 interrupts. "What's a church?"

HUMOR: Little Ones

Not mine.  From here.

  A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt."
      His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

HUMOR: Sibling Rivalry

Not mine.  From here.

  After explaining the commandment to honor your father and mother, a Sunday School teacher asked her class if there was a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters.
      One boy, the oldest in his family, immediately answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

HUMOR: Aces High

Not mine.  From here. 

Another Sunday School teacher said to her children, "We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?" Tommy blurted out, "I know, Aces."

HUMOR: Not quite the Trinity

Not mine.  From here.

Several children found a dead robin. Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they secured a small box and some cotton batting, dug a hole in the back yard, and made ready to dispose of the deceased. The minister's 5-year-old son was chosen to say the prayer. And so with great dignity, he intoned, "Glory be to the Father...and unto the Son...and into the hole he goes."

DID YOU KNOW: Where did the word "Christian" come from?

"DID YOU KNOW?" will be a summer series where we review issues of the Bible and the Christian faith of special interest. If you have a suggestion/question that you'd like addressed in a "DID YOU KNOW?" segment, please e-mail the coaches.

Where did the word "Christian" come from?

Nowadays, Christ-followers all over the world are called "Christians".  It's so common that we don't even question the meaning of the word.  Our religion is "Christianity" and so we are called "Christians".

But it is not what early believers called themselves.  In Acts, we see the Apostles and earliest followers of Christ referring to their religion as "The Way" and themselves as "Followers of the Way."  In fact, the earliest uses of the term "Christian" are not by believers, but their opponents (Acts 11:26 & Acts 26:28).  And only in 1 Peter 4:16 - written between 60 and 100 A.D. when he was an old man - does a writer of scripture use the term in a positive light.

"Christian" literally means "little Christ".  It was intended as an insult.  But early believers, after initially disliking the term, decided to embrace it as their own.  After all, in the end, what we all want is to be "little Christs" - people striving to be like Jesus in our world, to show humanity the love of God.

HUMOR: Taking Jesus for a Ride

Not mine.  From here.

The pastor was looking over the crèche the day after Christmas when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing. He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon. In the wagon was Jesus.

We walked up to the boy and said, "Hi, there. Where did you get the baby Jesus?"

The boy answered honestly, "In the church."

"Why did you take him?" the pastor asked.

"Well," said the boy, "I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked him for a wagon for Christmas. I told Him that if He gave me one, I'd take Him for a ride in it."

HUMOR: Thinful!

Not mine.  From here.

  The church was badly in need of a coat of paint. So the pastor decided he'd do the job himself. But all he had was one bucket of paint. So he got a bunch of buckets and some water, and he thinned the paint enough to cover the entire church. Then he spent all day painting. That night it rained—very hard—and washed all the paint off. The pastor was quite discouraged and asked God, 'Why...why God, did you let it rain and wash off all my hard work?'
      To which God thundered his reply, 'Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!'

HUMOR: Yuck!

Not mine.  From here.

  A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?" he asks.
      "No, not at all!" the woman replied.
      They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."
      "Oh, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."

HUMOR: Message from God

Not mine.  From here.

  Inspirational speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer still remembers the card his kids gave him for his 64th birthday. The front said, "Inside is a message from God."
      Pleased they finally appreciated his work, he opened it to read, "See you soon!"

HUMOR: From the mouths of babes...

Not mine.  From here.

  A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
      She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
      "NO!" the children answered.
      "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
      Again, the answer was, "NO!"
      Now she was smiling. Hey, they're getting it, she thought! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.
      Again, they all answered, "NO!"
      She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
      A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

HUMOR: Just asking

Not mine.  From here.

Atheist: "Do you honestly believe that Jonah spent three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish?"
Preacher: "I don't know, sir, but when I get to heaven, I'll ask him."
Atheist: "But suppose he isn't in heaven?"
Preacher: "Then you ask him."

HUMOR: Be careful what you pray for!

Not mine.  From here.

  A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs.
      With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed, "O Lord, I'm so sorry for skipping services today. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish—make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me!"
      At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped his paws together, and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet: "Dear God, please bless this food I am about to receive."

HUMOR: Denominations

Not mine.  From here.

  An old dollar bill and an even older $20 arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
      "I've had a pretty good life," the $20 says. "I've been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise."
      "You did have an exciting life!" the dollar says.
      "Where have you been?" the $20 asks.
      "Oh, I've been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans..."
      "Wait," the $20 interrupts. "What's a church?"

HUMOR: Little Ones

Not mine.  From here.

  A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt."
      His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"