HUMOR: Thinful!

Not mine.  From here.

  The church was badly in need of a coat of paint. So the pastor decided he'd do the job himself. But all he had was one bucket of paint. So he got a bunch of buckets and some water, and he thinned the paint enough to cover the entire church. Then he spent all day painting. That night it rained—very hard—and washed all the paint off. The pastor was quite discouraged and asked God, 'Why...why God, did you let it rain and wash off all my hard work?'
      To which God thundered his reply, 'Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!'

HUMOR: Message from God

Not mine.  From here.

  Inspirational speaker Dr. Wayne Dyer still remembers the card his kids gave him for his 64th birthday. The front said, "Inside is a message from God."
      Pleased they finally appreciated his work, he opened it to read, "See you soon!"

WEEKLY COMIC: Opposites

HUMOR: From the mouths of babes...

Not mine.  From here.

  A teacher was testing the children in her Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
      She asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"
      "NO!" the children answered.
      "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
      Again, the answer was, "NO!"
      Now she was smiling. Hey, they're getting it, she thought! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" she asked.
      Again, they all answered, "NO!"
      She was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
      A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

WEEKLY COMIC: We need to get this for Pastor Greg

HUMOR: Just asking

Not mine.  From here.

Atheist: "Do you honestly believe that Jonah spent three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish?"
Preacher: "I don't know, sir, but when I get to heaven, I'll ask him."
Atheist: "But suppose he isn't in heaven?"
Preacher: "Then you ask him."

WEEKLY COMIC: How Literal Are You?

HUMOR: Be careful what you pray for!

Not mine.  From here.

  A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs.
      With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed, "O Lord, I'm so sorry for skipping services today. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish—make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me!"
      At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped his paws together, and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet: "Dear God, please bless this food I am about to receive."

WEEKLY COMIC: Virtual Church

HUMOR: Denominations

Not mine.  From here.

  An old dollar bill and an even older $20 arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
      "I've had a pretty good life," the $20 says. "I've been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise."
      "You did have an exciting life!" the dollar says.
      "Where have you been?" the $20 asks.
      "Oh, I've been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans..."
      "Wait," the $20 interrupts. "What's a church?"

WEEKLY COMIC: On the Go!

HUMOR: Little Ones

Not mine.  From here.

  A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt."
      His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

WEEKLY COMIC: Pun-tastic!

HUMOR: Sibling Rivalry

Not mine.  From here.

  After explaining the commandment to honor your father and mother, a Sunday School teacher asked her class if there was a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters.
      One boy, the oldest in his family, immediately answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

WEEKLY COMIC: Let it go!

HUMOR: Aces High

Not mine.  From here. 

Another Sunday School teacher said to her children, "We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?" Tommy blurted out, "I know, Aces."

WEEKLY COMIC: Long week!

HUMOR: Not quite the Trinity

Not mine.  From here.

Several children found a dead robin. Feeling that a proper burial should be performed, they secured a small box and some cotton batting, dug a hole in the back yard, and made ready to dispose of the deceased. The minister's 5-year-old son was chosen to say the prayer. And so with great dignity, he intoned, "Glory be to the Father...and unto the Son...and into the hole he goes."

WEEKLY COMIC: It's "Magic"!

HUMOR: Always be ready!

Not mine.  From here.

It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
      "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his father told him.
      "Wouldn't you know it," Johnny fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go and he shows up."